Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
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Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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