dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You're a waste of cheezeits
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
