I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want nice things and good sex
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
