my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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