Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
