i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
