Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
