Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
