we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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