There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
