Got a toothbrush?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love you.
Bad choice
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