And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
