so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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