I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
