There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
