he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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