You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
