i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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