I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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