he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
