it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Enjoy the penises
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
