Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
