smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
