My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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