Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize