if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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