She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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