im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
