I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
