She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
