Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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