Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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