i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
