You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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