He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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