We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
