all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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