I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There r osticjed everywhere
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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