Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
