I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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