Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
