So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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