I'm jealous of your bromance
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
