Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
