He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
