Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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