I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
