when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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