Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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