she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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