there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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