so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
