she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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