there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
