I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
