i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
