the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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