ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
