Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
