Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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