No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
