PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
