I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
