I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won