Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits

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  (954): I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits http://tfl.nu/hlpn
  Replies (11) Good night (996) Bad night (3244)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!

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  (303): Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties! http://tfl.nu/mly2
  Replies (12) Good night (825) Bad night (4658)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car

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  (401): yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car http://tfl.nu/wwsk
  Replies (11) Good night (826) Bad night (3333)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.

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  (518): Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed. http://tfl.nu/gt11
  Replies (7) Good night (4354) Bad night (1003)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.

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  (815): we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend. http://tfl.nu/dsgm
  Replies (2) Good night (1595) Bad night (532)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.

  (936): View more from Texas

  As you should.

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  (210): Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis. (936): As you should. http://tfl.nu/jcwt
  Replies (3) Good night (737) Bad night (1005)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?

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  (732): You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean? http://tfl.nu/m097
  Replies (2) Good night (721) Bad night (282)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(

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  (419): She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :( http://tfl.nu/482z
  Replies (3) Good night (322) Bad night (732)
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  (209): View more from California

  My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.

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  (209): My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it. http://tfl.nu/53yn
  Replies (2) Good night (310) Bad night (600)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.

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  (517): Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win. http://tfl.nu/fots
  Replies (2) Good night (671) Bad night (281)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick

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  (602): Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick http://tfl.nu/v1r0
  Replies (4) Good night (492) Bad night (271)
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  (190): View more from

  All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way

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  (190): All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way http://tfl.nu/sfii
  Replies (0) Good night (304) Bad night (195)
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  (805): View more from California

  my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse

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  (805): my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse http://tfl.nu/zkhh
  Replies (0) Good night (564) Bad night (337)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.

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  (917): I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart. http://tfl.nu/eru1
  Replies (1) Good night (942) Bad night (196)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you

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  (504): No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you http://tfl.nu/ma8s
  Replies (2) Good night (162) Bad night (121)

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