so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Less talking, more tequila
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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