Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I love sluts.

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I end my prayers with that every single night.

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  (913): I love sluts. (402): I end my prayers with that every single night. http://tfl.nu/8il0
  Replies (8) Good night (3844) Bad night (731)
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  (949): View more from California

  I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.

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  (949): I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads. http://tfl.nu/gq0b
  Replies (24) Good night (5400) Bad night (723)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...

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  (443): ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads... http://tfl.nu/avzw
  Replies (38) Good night (931) Bad night (14891)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.

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  (413): What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix. http://tfl.nu/3okt
  Replies (13) Good night (862) Bad night (5174)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.

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  (262): He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too. http://tfl.nu/5j5p
  Replies (19) Good night (1609) Bad night (2978)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract

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  (215): I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract http://tfl.nu/jt8l
  Replies (2) Good night (2397) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony

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  (804): Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony http://tfl.nu/wi0z
  Replies (13) Good night (2870) Bad night (1247)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.

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  (518): I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave. http://tfl.nu/ne75
  Replies (2) Good night (658) Bad night (914)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.

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  (207): I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside. http://tfl.nu/y846
  Replies (6) Good night (698) Bad night (1459)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.

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  (480): You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home. (602): Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul. http://tfl.nu/qvbw
  Replies (10) Good night (2773) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA

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  (540): AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA http://tfl.nu/16eo
  Replies (2) Good night (1706) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.

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  (403): The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her. http://tfl.nu/lviw
  Replies (5) Good night (2181) Bad night (474)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.

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  (925): I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time. http://tfl.nu/6mzl
  Replies (3) Good night (1216) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat

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  (209): I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat http://tfl.nu/qvh1
  Replies (3) Good night (724) Bad night (361)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.

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  (514): When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets. http://tfl.nu/fn7y
  Replies (12) Good night (1152) Bad night (327)

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