one two three fourrrrnication!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.