Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?