Texts From Last Night

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  (669): View more from California

  I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.

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  (669): I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation. http://tfl.nu/imft
  Replies (10) Good night (1333) Bad night (978)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.

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  (843): just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style. http://tfl.nu/ygfi
  Replies (8) Good night (1389) Bad night (3100)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.

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  (937): so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had. http://tfl.nu/vdqf
  Replies (8) Good night (1783) Bad night (4713)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  i want to swaddle you in tequila

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  (206): i want to swaddle you in tequila http://tfl.nu/ks6c
  Replies (4) Good night (2755) Bad night (922)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat

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  (440): the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat http://tfl.nu/81cx
  Replies (11) Good night (3163) Bad night (1499)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.

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  (313): I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time. http://tfl.nu/vomf
  Replies (13) Good night (3254) Bad night (1332)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.

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  (314): No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place. http://tfl.nu/fg0m
  Replies (15) Good night (1054) Bad night (3541)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.

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  (334): all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol. http://tfl.nu/9h8q
  Replies (13) Good night (1968) Bad night (757)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness

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  (630): Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness http://tfl.nu/aq74
  Replies (4) Good night (609) Bad night (1358)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off

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  (303): I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off http://tfl.nu/ymwa
  Replies (13) Good night (980) Bad night (993)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.

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  (210): Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie. http://tfl.nu/l6yr
  Replies (2) Good night (913) Bad night (518)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.

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  (240): I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber. http://tfl.nu/iuw9
  Replies (4) Good night (689) Bad night (402)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.

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  (902): after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart. http://tfl.nu/tash
  Replies (4) Good night (924) Bad night (387)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.

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  (913): If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on. http://tfl.nu/4zva
  Replies (5) Good night (837) Bad night (414)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made

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  (412): Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made http://tfl.nu/r5g2
  Replies (2) Good night (781) Bad night (313)

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