There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
