i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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